Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday, October 31, 2008

Slept alas a bit late for me didn’t wake up at 1:30am, woke up around 3am, showered did my grooming, Cleaned up, the Interview at Larkin Street Youth services for employment went ok, it was a second interview.

The reality of my program is good, I look forward toward toward my meeting this morning, and I slept well and sound, with no nightmares or flashbacks. I also have been maintaining my PTSD, with diet fitness, exercise; I have a good sponsor that fits and works I think that went to high school with Tim Brook over, with Outsmart Magazine.
If I Become gainfully employed by Larkin Street I would have to cut ties to some individuals, and also be unable to work with one individual whom stays at the Lark INN, I don’t think I know anyone in roots, but do know one individual in their housing program. Whom I have started to cut ties, and the mention that I know this client, cost me a friendship with a coffee shop buddy whom I used to discuss politics, news, and current events, and Texas/ with her/him (she’s confused and not consistent) which ever he is in the mood for that day. Even though she is intersexed, and had forced srs.


Ive been thinking a lot about myself and the type of person I want to be, and who I want to become, Ive also been thinking of where I want to go in life, my future a few years from now,

this morning before I went out for herbal tea I witnessed a person, whom I care about back on the sauce, but its not my business not get in the affairs of those I am powerless over, but she is pretty dry though not entirely, perhaps harm reduction does work, even though I got sober and cleaned up the old fashioned way meetings, maybe harm reduction is less brutal, I don’t approve or disapparove, but its not for me, Just because I don’t agree with something doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.

I sent and e-mail someone for some political view points, and might become interviewed and featured in the San Francisco Chronicle.



















Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I am sober today and have been continuously physically sober as of 7-13-2007 Lambda Center Houston, Texas
2.) Grateful that I have the ability to work with my wonderful sponsor
3.) Grateful that I have friends, family and loved ones, and 12-stepers whom care about me in Houston, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, San Francisco, Oakland, Portland, Salt Lake, Seattle, Los Angles, and Berkeley
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful to have a program
6.) Grateful to be spiritual
7.) Grateful to have faith in my own personal Jesus
8.) Grateful to have support, and my groups in Berkeley, and Oakland
9.) Grateful to be alive
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The second job interview went ok, and well. I was a bit intimidated by one of the interviewers, which is slightly an outrage, but also alas did not refer to me with proper pronouns.
It is also disturbing given the TLGB Job Fair Larkin Street Youth Services was one of the vendors, I mentioned some of this to Clair fairly, I am going to ponder how to proceed.
Furthermore, I slept well and took care of business this morning, alas a bit early. I continue to grow as an individual and deal with my past PTSD, anger, resentments, and guilt and shame.

My back is feeling better given I got up early again, some nasty bitch trashed the bathroom. Furthermore, I dreamed of going to Houston to fill past resentments, and make amends for past transgressions and reaching out more.
But go home to what, a town which doesn’t have legal protections for discrimination of gender identity, no equality not that san Francisco is not a hateful bigiotful rough town, people are accepting, but people fear whets so difficult to understand.
Whets more disturbing, a job prospect I have in the works, I was told by another transgender woman whom shall remain anonymous, this man is very much attracted to trans-women, makes passes at them, is nice, but is abusive and thinks we should not have equality, and is a male pigheaded old views of transgender women.
Nevertheless, rumors are just that, I should not be so overly judgmental and stereotypical. Yesterday while conducting some business of a personal nature, I had an Asian woman spat at one of her employees, regardless of whets on my Drivers License (credit card + drivers lic), she scolded her employee for calling me miss, and mam’ furthermore, she mentioned faggot, disgusting, man, sinner, evil.
I am going to be building a database, which I will post online; I’ve already started with databases, exposing Trans-Phobia, In San Francisco, from my own experiences, not others. A list of businesses, I also will be outing if prop 8 passes some Mormon and latter day saint owned small business to boycott as well in the bay area. Until the church admits they are wrong to ban gay marriage, and the Oakland temple, and local wards and stakes lose their nonprofit status or openly allow members that are LTGB in San Francisco to worship without prejudice.
Some of the contents of my database when published online will be utterly shocking. In addition, no I will not take it offline. Just as other radical things viewpoints or other issues which I am blogging about, on various pennames, real names, or former names.


Things I am grateful for:
1.) Glad to have had that interview and learned my weaknesses and shortcomings.
2.) Glad that I am sober again another day as of 7-13-2007 Houston, Texas
3.) Glad to be alive
4.) Glad to have friends, family and loved ones that care about me
5.) Glad to have a program
6.) Glad to have a life, of my own
7.) Glad to be in good health
8.) Glad to be able to forgive myself, and have a wonderful therpsit
9.) Glad to have food, clothing, and shelter
10.) Glad to be in san Francisco


The List
1.) Therapy session today
2.) Doctors appointment at lyon martin
3.) Meeting
4.) Check Mail
5.) Write follow up letters
6.) Mail follow up letters
7.) Banking / budgeting / bill payments
8.) Prepare for the arrival of my pickup truck
9.) Continue to grow as an individual
10.) Mediation and work with clients









--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Slept well, awoke early this morning to good things and good tithing’s, things were not as bad as I envisioned; it is what happens when I am stuck up in my head. I also sleep well at night.

I got up at about 1:30 this morning, used the bathroom, showered for an hour, than I cleaned up a bit, did my face; have to pick up my suit, and a few other things for my interview tomorrow as well as a few other things.

I also have someone I want to visit as well. I called lambda center in Houston, Texas today, spoke to sonny. I also talked a bit, went to the 7am at our lady of Safeway. I also dreamed about my father a bit last night.


Furthermore, I also continue to grow, more and more. I also love life more and more, and find myself, but something burns a desire to make things right one day, for my sins against the Houston TG community but alas , I doing so each day I stay sober

Further I know I did the right thing by leavening New Orleans & Houston, for a better life, and to make amends, and humble myself. I am a very spiritually strong person and woman, and individual.

The reality of life, and continuing to grow as a person.

F

The list
Drop off documents
Pick up suit
Print resume and app
Continue to grow as a person
Check mail / clinic
Eat, drink lots of water












Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have this interview
3.) Grateful to be alive
4.) Grateful to have people who care about me
5.) Grateful to be working on things I need to work on
6.) Grateful to be able to be united with my father eventfully
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter
8.) Grateful to have money in the bank
9.) Grateful to have my truck insurance
10.) Grateful to have my truck in California soon.


--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, October 27, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. I continue to grow as an individual. I met with my sponsor after a meeting this morning, I also had a good meeting at our lady of Safeway. My current sponsor is good friends with tim brookenver.

Furthermore, I dreamed last night of camping in death valley, in a tent backpacking and hikeing back through my truck, I also have dreams of the grand canyon, and snowboarding in lake tahoe.
I also dream about driving down the California cost to the city of angels next year to go to the affirmation conference. I hope no on 8 passes.

I have to turn in early today to do things in the morning tomorrow. Its colder than usual today. The weather is great in san Francisco, I fucking love this weather.



Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks whom care about me
3.) Grateful to be alive
4.) Grateful to have friends & family who care
5.) Grateful to free from bondage
6.) Grateful to have this employment opportunity
7.) Grateful to have my truck soon
8.) Grateful to have a place soon
9.) Grateful for people in my life who care and help me
10.) Grateful to have a good sponsor




--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sunday, October 26, 2008


Last night saw one of the peace of shit dirt bags that tried to rip off my mobile phone, in a woman who was fleeing domestic violance, in one of my commitments to service, I did take some action but the son-of-a-bitch got away again on fucking MUNI.

Furthermore, I still grow as an individual I continue to grow as a person, and grow intellectually as well as in spirituality.

Ive been thinking a lot about peoples fears and hate of transsexual women. Ill share on this later

Gratitude List
1.) Glad to be sober
2.) Glad to have a program
3.) Glad to have folks who care about me
4.) Glad to be alive
5.) Glad to be loved
6.) Happy to be in san Francisco
7.) Happy to have a sponsor
8.) Happy about this interview at Larkin street youth services.

The list
Call sponsor
Buy stamps
Mail Letters
Print documents at kinks
Pick up supplies at drug store
Call june
Call manager



--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, October 25, 2008

progress not prefection

Saturday, October 25, 2008

This morning, I awoke about two o’clock this morning, took a shower, cleaned up did my morning routine. Today I have laundry to do, I was hit on five times before five o’clock this morning. Further, More, I have been thinking about Houston, I dreamed about space city last night.

Had a wonderful meeting at our lady of Safeway on Friday at seven AM, stopped by the Alano club at 4 o’clock yesterday, left around five twenty. Visited and fellowshipped a bit

Today I have a lot of laundry to process after my morning meeting. I also might meet with my new sponsor, whom I feel totally comfortable with. Someone I think could work, and seems laid back, easy going and someone I can spill my guts to with resentment, drama, and find zen.

I dreamed last night of riding on a motorcycle across Houston, and rural east Texas, high speeds, fast money and fast dates. Just miles or empty pavement, and open road and highway. Perhaps it’s due to earlier in the week reading a motorcycle magazine at the doctor’s office, I was reading about a ride and trip outside dew, all those small old oil towns in rural north east Texas, towns I would visit when going to bossier city, and Ruston.

It also shows my love of rural towns, adventure. Threes some old sights in the old west I have wanted to do some urban exploring adventures, which I will post more on later. Even a few in LA County, which I’ve always wanted to visit. My realistic looking press passes works every time for the strong arm of the law.
I like to document old buildings, and do such under one of my pen names, and Unix shell accounts, which I keep a good deal of privacy under a pen name, threes more than me that meets the eye, yes I’m a wild one and very high maintance, and have utterly high standards.

I’m so over my lds / mormon past, as well as my past transgressions in Houston as well as my hate crime in texas and calfornia, and my resentment toward sfpd, in general isn’t all that bad.





The List
1.) Meeting
2.) Laundry
3.) Print documents at SF Center
4.) Mail Documents
5.) Banking
6.) Send mail to Texas to former employers
7.) Prepare for interview with larkin street youth services
8.) E-mail bwd, dlg, mls, vs, wf, bp, tw, rh
9.) Write amends letter
10.)














Gratitude List
1.) That I am sober today
2.) That I have a potentially good sponsor
3.) That I have a program
4.) That I am alive
5.) That I have people who care about me
6.) That I am learning to love myself
7.) That fear is ok
8.) That I can do one day at a time.





--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, October 24, 2008

progress not prefection

Leigh “Lee” McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 425081 San Francisco, CA 94142
www,leemcg.com * leemcg@leemcg.com

Friday, October 24, 2008

Slept well last night, I think my attempted robbery might have been a hate crime, I was too shaken up yesterday one of the guys might have uttered punk, or faggot or bitch. I might go to SFPD and make a stand for that ask to talk to someone Ill wait a few days, until someone phones me, or Ill call and make a follow up report. Perhaps at a station. I was just a bit pissed.

Got a good sponsor at a meeting whom I think we could relate a bit, I think this person would work better than Tammy. I need someone that works, I just don’t want to hit the sauce anymore. I’m sitting here jamming to Led Zeppelin trampled under the foot.

Furthermore, I had a wonderful meeting at our lady of safeway at 7AM this morning. I continued to grow, and grow up and find myself.

Gratitude List.
1.) Grateful to know I’m not the only person in san Francisco who partied in Houston, or spend time in jail there.
2.) Grateful to be able to make living amends to the Houston Transgender community by backing down
3.) Grateful to be alive
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have the opportunity to work for Larkin Street Youth Services
6.) Grateful to be starting over
7.) Grateful to have friends, family and loved ones in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Houston, Dallas, Austin, and New Orleans
8.) Grateful to have food clothing shelter
9.) Grateful to have a support circle
10.) Grateful to be working on my anger




To-do.

1.) Mail
2.) Banking
3.) Work on item for client
4.) Send letters to former employers
5.) Work on 2007 TAX stuff
6.) Update will + other legal stuff
7.) Work on resume
8.) Submit documents to dan


I voted this week early, and also sent in my 2006 Taxes, 2006 was a bad year for me, and bad year for my drinking.
Furthermore I continue to grow as a person and into the person whom I really want to be, and continue to grow as an individual.

I also ran and had a former Mormon missionaries working on my mouth at a dental clinic. More on this developing, I remember him on his mission.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Slept well, have a dental appointment today, was recently approved for further good things happening in my life, which I will share about once they become a reality, shared about some of my anger and hate, and why I left Houston in a meeting and support group.

I feel utter shame over my actions in Texas, and hurt and realizing I do have a chance at a life again.

Grattuide List.
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have these things going for me
3.) Grateful to have a sponsor, and a program
4.) Grateful to be learning to bring manageability to order in my life
5.) Grateful to have gotten the fuck out of dodge to find my true self.
6.) Grateful, to be able to express myself and be honest about my pain
7.) Grateful to butch it up less.


The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Eat well, drink lots of water
3.) Walk more,
4.) Take care of business and my appointment today
5.) Be a good girl on the information superhighway

I also found out I need to go to meetings daily as a adjust to living again after my trauma. And once I learn how to live I can cut back it also makes me glad that maybe I can live and go to meetings with eventully with my father whom lives in San Francisco, where I was born.


I am so happy to be home, and someplace so diverse it sure beats south east Texas and Louisiana but I miss it sometimes perhaps a camping vacation to Texas will be in order in the long run after 2-3 years of sobriety and a trip to space city.
I don’t like flying
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning, I miss my grandmother, I also miss my mother a lot. I miss Texas often, I wish more than anything I could right my wrongs to David Freels, Christen Williams, Lilly Roddy, Zoƫ and others I harmed, and resentments toward others I have.

I view Political viewpoints, as a lost cause, and greed and having to deal with the devil as you work. I also like the money, power, and influence that go along with it and the control with my dominating personality.

Furthermore, I also like control, and am high maintain ace, to keep amused. Nevertheless, I do find some simple pleasures in life. I like hiking, camping, backpacking, fitness, healthy living, I also like greasy spoon diners, coffee shops and the simple life

As far as where I stand, I am a swing voter, I like to be of service, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink I don’t have any vices. I go to bed early and wake up early, I like Cajun food, I miss the south, I also miss Texas. But would never want to live there.

Gratitude List
1.) Glad to be sober
2.) Glad to be able to move on
3.) Glad to be alive, and be who I am
4.) Glad to have a program
5.) Glad to have the basics met.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, October 20, 2008

life and progress in san francisco one day at a time

Leigh “Lee” McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 425081 San Francisco, CA 94142
www,leemcg.com * leemcg@leemcg.com


Monday, October 20, 2008


It scares me, that a place like Castro and San Francisco exists, I know I am a hypocrite with my own homophobia. Nevertheless, Personality, I’m a private person, and more conceptive swing vote. I feel the over metro sexual gay male of Castro street view, is wrong. Perhaps the inclusion and mainstream homosexuality angers me on some degree.

Next year I might march with the Pink Pistols in the pride parade, in addition to working the parade, as usual.
Furthermore, I saw and often bump into police commissioner sparks, I just view her as someone else. Nevertheless, she holds a special place in my life, when the infamous trans-phobic jay leno joke in 2003, I was at home in Harvey, Louisiana drinking a beer, being a bad little Mormon, or I think I was not mormonised yet.

The point is, she inspired me, to get to fuck out of Louisiana somehow, she inspired me to change my ways, and change my life, and be true to myself, It was in the front den, office bed room, playing counterstrike watching Dan, and Don drink beer, sort of out of king of the hill and pick em trucks on the lawn,

I decided to start exploring transition, it was from gulf gender alliance, I chose to get the fuck out of dodge, Katrina acerbated that and opportunities, I believe at this time I was working on the New Orleans NSA or Fazio’s rainbow lanes.

Furthermore, I discovered more about myself, and self-discovery. I never managed a place like San Francisco existed, I’m learning to adjust to a drastically different culture, but I liked Houston, someplace like that made me home, I would have finishing up things her move to the city of angels, where it’s not as trans-aware or phobic, and continue to grow and discover and visit San Francisco somewhat often, long term, there’s more opportunity in a city like that, plus id be a bit away from my father, and MLS.

I’d have some freedom to explore myself, life and more anonymity in myself, I few unlucky souls have witnessed my anger, in san Francisco and that’s not cool, and my own homophobia, I don’t feel I really connect with ultra liberal San Francisco per say.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being sober
2.) Grateful to be alive
3.) Grateful to have people who care about me
4.) Grateful to to have food, clothing, shelter and money in my purse
5.) Grateful to have a program, and working on my anger, and resentment and homophobia
6.) Grateful to be making living amends to those I harmed in San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin, New Orleans
7.) Grateful to be able to let go of resentment and anger toward Christen Williams, or working on that in therapy
8.) Grateful to be working on my anger toward the LDS / Mormon church, John, Enrique, Victor, Henry, Carl, James, Elm dean, Tine, and co-workers, managers who made fun on me, abused me, and took advantage of me, and I started drinking
9.) Grateful to be aware of my true self


1.) Meeting
2.) Print documents and mail
3.) Copy documents and mail
4.) Call sponsor
5.) Work with client
6.) Mail / PMB
7.) Send thank you letter
8.) Go to doctor, and clinic
9.) Do dry run this week
10.) Save $
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Had a nightmare last night, had some night sweats, and dreamed about my grandmother, I miss her, I was looking forward toward sometime around Christmas flying to New Orleans for the weekend to Visit. I also miss Montrose and Houston a lot, Montrose will always hold a special place in my heart, as will Galveston Island, and Teki Island and Surfside Beach, and Corpus Christi.

Furthermore, I miss my family loved ones, and people who care In Houston. I want so much one day to be able to make amends for my transgressions in Houston. I want to be welcomed with some open arms, I messed up.

Last night M was assaulted with some crazy bitch with spray paint, SFPD looked for the suspect, San Francisco has a lot of fruits, nuts and people going bananas. It’s a joke I made up, about all the fruits and nuts on market street, and civic center, and the tenderloin. Two really nice and butch female officers responded to the plea for help, the girl who sprayed M which never bothers anyone, did it for no reason, people can be mean, and California can be a rough place.
A few weeks ago, while doing laundry and other domestic tasks some crazy person sprayed some business man with pepper spray in an attempted robbery, maybe god and my own higher power does look after me.

I have to go back to Dr Freeman on Tuesday due to the fact he forgot to repressible some of my medicine, and things I need for medical reasons
He says I’m in perfect and very good health for my age, I also had a flu shot, and finished getting preventively which he strongly advised me getting a hep a & b vaccine for safety given how urban California can be.
I’m also going to consult with the doc about some dietary requirements, and have been doing more walking, and have laundry to do today. I also have a dental appointment on Wednesday, and have a doctors appointment at UCSF.

I have more recently, have pondered life, my meaning and where I fit in the picture, and I will share more on this in the future.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I am sober
2.) Grateful that I have a life
3.) Grateful that I have a higher power
4.) Grateful that People care about me
5.) Grateful to be closer to my father
6.) Grateful to have a program
7.) Grateful to have things going for me
8.) Grateful to work hard to better my life
9.) Grateful to be emotionally sober
10.) Grateful to be alive





The List
1.) Laundry
2.) Print documents at K
3.) Buy stamps, drop off documents in mail
4.) Eat according to dr Freemans recommendations
5.) Write letter to DLG, MLS, MCG
6.)














--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Awoke early this morning took a shower, no nightmares, My PTSD Is greatly managed, I feel deeply for all the returning vets who get stuck in drinking, or drugs and have PTSD. While living in Texas I witnessed firsthand underreported by the media, vets returning home from IRAQ or Afghanistan. Whom were deeply troubled some working state side as recruiters for the army.
Furthermore, Houston (Harris County) and the neighboring 6 counties have the highest rate of solvers in Iraq in the country, Texas the military and prison industrial complex rules, all as California the social and welfare and hospital industrial as well as the prison industrial complex rules California, has more prisoners than any other state, Texas is number two.
The mainstream media underreports the cost of the Iraq war greatly to the vets again much as the disservice we did in Vietnam we still have Vietnam vets down on their luck in addictions, IRAQ #2 is the next Vietnam generation type problem of for those who fought for a lost cause.
For example, I witnessed Vets commit suicide, murder, robberies, and go to prison or jail or the loony bin. It’s a damn shame we are using young men as guinea pigs to fight for oil, and built the wallets for a war that should not have started. Some right wing nut jobs might argue that we are keeping terrorism overseas, but we are pissing off the russians, our occupation or Israel, and other things we need to focus on domestic issues and stop our over development, greedy capitalist pigs which we are headed toward Armageddon, and greed of humanity will destroy this fine country.
Regardless I have to drop some crap off today, pick up crap from PB, I also am very closed to finishing my Tax returns. Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and prosper as a young woman.
My insecurity and self-centered inner bitch is becoming more controlling, I could call my new sponsor today. I continue to grow in my program; on 10-13-2008, I had fifteen months sober.

Moreover, I had a dream last night about driving down to the city of angels. Firing up my pickup truck.

LA Interests me a lot and is a lot like Houston and has more opportunity and supposedly has a tight and better TG community than in fresco, the metro sexual men, the gay men want this city ,and the racism, sexism and more right wing traditions and viewpoints on some issues disgust me, but I put up with the bullshit, day and out one day at a time.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober today
2.) Grateful to have friends family and loved ones who care in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, Berkeley, and Oakland.
3.) Grateful to be able to handle things which come at me
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful to have food clothing and shelter
6.) Grateful to have a wonderful therapist
7.) Grateful to have an awesome doctor
8.) Grateful to have a program
9.) Grateful to have my own personal Jesus
10.) Grateful to have a future in San Francisco


The List

1.) Print and Mail documents
2.) Banking
3.) Drop dry cleaning off
4.) Go to drug store and clinic
5.) Drop documents off.
6.) Meeting
7.) Meet with clients
8.) Mail Truck documents with name change to finance company
9.) Contact Insurance company
10.) E-mail DLG & MLS
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, October 17, 2008

Life, anger and the power of prayer to my own fucking personal jesus

Friday, October 17, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Took a short and quick shower, but through. Wrote some code last night, my Interview at Larkin Street Youth Services went ok, I felt, they could not hire me because of some of my background at that location, but seemed interested in hireling me at another location as a Youth Peer Counselor.
The same thing I applied for, composing a Thank You Letter both to the individual I interviewed with and have a few other items on the agenda today.
I think I am going to vote early today. As well as a few other items on my agenda. I also recently had a spiritual awakening and with all the excitement for my interview yesterday I forgot about my therapy appointment, and other things.

My truck had some work done, I should be getting it insured in California soon, it appears being a Pizza driver and messenger is again in my future.
My spirituality is growing more and more for my inner personal, and being less of a bitch. I am just tired I have no meaning and just am a bit of a bitch today. I had a good AA meeting this morning at 7am at our lady of safeway.

I slept well last night, and continue to grow, and prosper as a individual and grow more and more in life, and interpersonal security and development, and work through my furious anger and the dark side of the force, and be a good cadet.

Spoke to some friends from my support group in Berkeley at the pacific center, I also disclosed to them about some of my past transgressions of Transsexual support groups, small world one of my friends girlfriends does business with Phyllis Frye.

I’m ashamed of what happed in Houston, and I did to others, perhaps I just need to remain faithful vigilante and true to keep my vigilante feelings away, and be strong and only good will become of myself.
I still even mange to get around the IPs, and port and proxy blocking christen implemented to keep me out, being naughty is so much more fun even if lurking.


--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I slept well last night, than awoke this morning, continue to grow as an individual. Have the job fair and an interview tomorrow not much else to share.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to watch others insanity in amusement
3.) Grateful to have a program
4.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and finances
5.) Grateful to be in control of my life
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

10-13-2008
The reality is I continue to grow as an individual; I slept ok no nightmares last night. Doing well with my spirituality, prayed this morning to a god of my own understanding, continue to grow as a person and individual.
Further noting with my dream log, I did not have any nightmares last night about my hurting, or my recent loss of a loved one. Was able to talk to Gayle McAuliffe and Odessa McAuliffe today and catch up to speed on things.
Further documenting my so-called-life I did some home work for therapy today, tomorrow have a doctor’s appointment in the wee hours of the morning in The east bay, and have to drop off some crap and pick up some crap from the MS, I also have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow evening, and to check the PMB, and Box. I also have to restive some documents from storage.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober 1 year, 3 months today.
2.) Grateful to have family in San Francisco & New Orleans who cares
3.) Grateful to have Friends & Family In Houston, Dallas, New Orleans, Austin, and San Francisco who care
4.) Grateful to be progressing in moving on for my resentments in Houston.
5.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter
6.) Grateful to be 4 days coffee and and back on my strict diet, and working back into my fitness routine.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Slept well last night, Continue to grow as an individual, and prosper as a person and grow as a individual. Zero nightmares last night, dreamed of life, again, I remember when a year or two ago I saw no hope no future, Just the bottle, and chrome desert eagle. Moreover, sin and anger, and resentment. I also remember many nights alone, in Texas brown fields, utility corroders, abandoned warehouses, factories, plants, mills listening to led zeppelin, patsy cline, Johnny cash, dĆ©pĆŖche mode, Metallica, brooks & Dunn, Kenny, Little Texas, Elvis, George strait, Ministry, The cure, The clash, the Ramones, misfits, etc.
With no hope in sight, the pain, death or prison in sight, I wanted to spare the world, I still have those feelings but see hope and a future, I talk about them more, My trauma, my rape, my hate crime which the only person still hurting is me, my bullies moved on. I wonder everyday when I awake if it will be my last is that man going to beat the shit out of me?
I was very angry and tough for a long time, I have grown more and more disgusted with the United States of America and its greedy capitalistic, views, concerning, pissing off allies, making wars, and even thought about marrying or leavening the country I have no future for a government that hates me, and refuses to accept me the most basic human rights
I know what and understand the anger toward the USA that individuals such as timothy McVeigh, and other notable terrorist domestic and international but I value life and don’t advocate murdering others, however I think the government murdered the Branch Divisions in Waco.
Nevertheless, I know how it feels to be angry enough to put a bomb on your chest or fly a airplane into the twin towers, which 9-11 was actually an inside job by the lies to the American people. It was blown, just as Katrina was a test for the 1984 police state of the future.
My views are a bit radical, and often I am viewed as a nut job. But I would not hurt anyone, I advacte3 peaceful protesting, nor do I want to be a revolutionary. Nevertheless, I speak my past and where I have been, today I just want peace, and chance at a normal life but the US doesn’t have any protections for young women such as myself.
The reason I want to work at Larkin Street is to help youth given I understand what it’s like to want sex, drugs and rock and roll, queer, lesbians, trans, bisexual, religion nut jobs, you can’t be any more strict than Mormon, or latter day saint. I know why kids run away from home to live the California dream, and want to help them kick their addictions, habits and prevent them from contracting HIV in street work or get hooked on drugs.

The point is Progress not perfection, one day at time, not rushing things I grow as a person, and would love to carry the message to others, perhaps my number one resentment and I christen Williams and I are more alike, she sobered up in her mid 20s as well, perhaps Ill follow in her footsteps, I do miss Houston I wish I could return, I don’t like most of the trainwomen here threes one right now in my life not by choice, who is arrogant and I think has other problems than just gender stuff and might not even me TG.

She doesn’t pass very well, has a loud mouth voice, and is well very miniplive and mean to real women. And a bully sort of remind you of where I was, and I think she turns tricks something I never did, or the drugs part however I did abuse my hormones from time to time.
I cleaned up and remember where I was perhaps some of it may be bias, and resentment toward someone else she reminds me of.

It was much easier more dramatic to run a load of Mexicans across the rio Grande, or assume labiality for firearms across the border, or work as a bagwoman and enforcer for a loans shark, the only thing I ever did in the adult indisustiry was as a phone sex operator, or as a dominatrix whom did fetishes but did not do sex. Maybe I had respect for my body.

Perhaps my issue with this anger I had and work on is I think I’m better and wish to shut the door on it but I cannot, I need to carry my message of what I have, I would much rather be a diesel dyke, or dyke cop, but don’t see that in my future at this point. With my record, background or other factors it is harder but not impossible to find work.
Even with the temp work I’ve done and polecat campaigns, as well as some of my student clients. I feel well and like a good person in search of a better life and the California and American dream, one day at a time.

Perhaps If I am able to work at Larkin street I would be able to share my experiences straight and hope with young people some in my generation and get to work with transom and queer youth

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have this opportunity with larkin street youth services.
2.) That I have people who care about me in Oakland, Berkeley, San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin and New Orleans
3.) That I am sober
4.) That I have a program
5.) That Ill be able to make a meeting today
6.) That I am Meeting with my friend later today
7.) That my father is IN San Francisco and I want to win his aproveal in the long run and understand we need time apart right now
8.) That my father accepts me for being transgender
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Saturday, October 11, 2008
Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Had another nightmare last night about the loss of my grandmother, ran into a crush this morning, gave her a pass to see W. I also gave her my card, we bump into each other previously, she works or has worked as a San Francisco Patrol Special Officcerm now works security on Castro Street.

Had a nightmare about transition, and life, and pain possibly due to my experience at the southern police station for SFPD and Central Patrol As well where dirty harry and 48 hours were filmed, the southern station inside looks out of dragnet from the 1960s.



Been thinking about my childhood, life and where I am today

Have an interview, on wed. with Larkin Street Youth services as a peer councilor, I also Have a service commitment / meeting with Femina Potens the best art gallery for queer, trans, women, lesbian, bisexual women art.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks whom care about me
3.) Grateful to be loved
4.) Grateful to have a program
5.) Grateful to have a lead on a new life

Have some banking affairs to do today, and printing of documents to do tomorrow as well.






--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, October 10, 2008

10-9-2008
Slept rather splendid last night, awoke at 3ish this morning, showered was read for my day, Became well rested good today. I also talked to my wonderful therapist about things in my life; the medication for the PTSD seems to be working, rather well.
Went to a 7am meeting at the Alano club did not have any nightmares last night.

Furthermore, I spoke to some friends in town, and did some contacting, yesterday I cried a good part of the day, and listened to led zeppelin, Billy Idol, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Ramones, White Zombie, Brooks and Dunn, and Little Texas grieving to my grandmother’s death.

I miss Texas, I miss Houston, and I miss Corinne and others from 3296. I wonder if the big bad wolf is still happening. My life is unmanageable and in shambles, I also hope one day I am able to rejoin my foes, and those I scared In the Houston Texas TG Community with my drinking, I am finding that as I gain sobriety, I am more afraid when shit happens and want to be less attention whoreish.

To futherstate, things the power of resentment, I understand my guilt and shame of my true self, and the power of my hate and hate of victor, john, Enrique, Carl, elm dean, tine, James, Henry are killing me inside.

Furthermore, be allowing the anger, blood and resentment and the desire for vigilantism. Moreover, I allow them to win by allowing the resentment to live, it needs to go in my god box and my own personal Jesus, and may they rot in HELL!!!

I need restraint of computer, word, and tongue, is the best option, Intellectually I can comprehend that but it’s difficult to get over the anger of my hate crime that the bastards I listed above, that the FBI nor the United States Government only certain, state, local, and county governments reluctantly accept transgender individuals with legal rights, protections.

I am controversial which is why I publish my blog, website and domain, to show the daily struggles, keep a life online, and show the world we are not that different from integration of African Americans.

I wish the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would allow us, rights and equity and understand how many GLBTQ members end up committing suicide.





Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks who care about me in New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
3.) Grateful to have a spiritual awakening
4.) Grateful to be near my father martin Clark Gaetjens
5.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
6.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
7.) Grateful to be working a good program
8.) Grateful for the opportunity in the long term to build a bond with my father.


I also got a card for Saint Anthony’s a green card that works well, due to the prior harassment and idiots in the line there. I have been working and am close to finishing my IRS Issues, and will be able to attend City Collage of San Francisco in the near future; I need to call the advisor I was working with.

Furthermore, I discovered more about myself and continue to grow and prosper. I also work a good program, continuing to grow as an individual

Talked to the theprsit about my anger, and resentment and my transition and other issues. I also spoke to a few other individuals. My back has been hurting more so lately. I’m hanging tough she also suggested san Mateo county or Costa contra county. I might like San Jose, they have a pretty good center there and community but it’s Not San Francisco But I’d have my Truck and the Cal train and maybe eventfully a bicycle into the city.

Another thing to be grateful for is not being so angry all the time, as if I used to be. I have









Friday, October 10, 2008

Slept good last night, some women where I live brawled, the other thing was I received a call from Larkin street youth services, which was amusing. They want me to interview for a youth councilor position.

For those of you who don’t know. Larkin Street is a nonprofit that works with youth who are 12-1under 25 but also is well known for working with youth 18-under 25 whom runs away from home due to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. That’s their primary clientele, they also work with substance abuse, former foster care kids, and a lot of kids from Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama.

Furthermore, they are well known for their work with transgender youth. They are similar to covenant house run by catholic charities. Furthermore, it is an entry-level position, which I plan to attend City College and get a MSW, or become a LMT and continue to work in this field given it’s something I understand, and I get to help the next generation on their road to transition.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have this opportunity for employment in tough times
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be aggressive in bettering my life, and assertive and more secure in self.
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and individuals that care about me both locally and in two other states
5.) Grateful to be out, proud but censored and settled down.
6.) Grateful in the long term to be able to build a relatshinship with my father in San Francisco
7.) Grateful to be In San Francisco
8.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
9.) Grateful to be alive
10.) Grateful to have a program
11.) Grateful to have my own personal Jesus
12.)





















--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke this morning about 1:30 am, out of bed by 3 am. Went out a bit this morning, had an idea. Have the event to go to this morning as well. I also have a few other things to do this morning.

I’ve been thinking about my program its crap, I mean I’m sober but not always emotionally sober, or emotionally secure. By allowing my inner bitch to hold on to my resentments, shame, guilt in Houston & New Orleans I suffer with anger, pain, and agony, as well as what happened in Dallas, and Austin.

I need to just fucking get over it already, I allow my hurters and abusers to win, by reliving the past with my inner most bitch and drama. My own homo-phobia, hate, and self-hate hurt me. I hurt and burn with anger and well need to fucking focus on today.

I am fucking great looking, in great mother fucking health, and a goddamn good-looking person, and continue to grow. Spoke to Tammy a bit today, going to a meeting in a little while. Moreover, recently I discovered the power of a higher power, and forgiveness.

Nevertheless, it does bother me from a biblical standpoint; the signs are there ninety percent of Americans do not understand how serious the turmoil, war, police state, crash of the markets, and other current events are.

It bothers me to see the biblical end of the world events happening, co-dependence on china, we as human beings have destroyed the plants ecosystem, and are in the process of destroying ourselves.






Going to a meeting.

Gratitude List.

1.) Glad to be sober
2.) Glad to have a plan
3.) Glad to be emotionally strong, and decided toward sobriety
4.) Glad to be in a place where I can be open, and honest towards others
5.) Glad to be myself
6.) Glad to have my own personal Jesus
7.) Glad to have aa
8.) Glad to have folks whom care about me
9.) Glad to be out the closet and who I am
10.) Glad to know what I want out of life.




--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, October 6, 2008

Monday, October 06, 2008

I have a lot to do today, some doucments to print and mail, some shopping, and a few other things, not much time to blog. Witnessed another assult today. Don’t have much time going to the TLGB Job fair, at the center and some workshops this week.


Uh much to do, and little time, busy as a bee, also have to show some progress to clair. And do some serious applying today, this weekend was semi productive. And also life goes, on have to check the post office today as well, went to the 7 am meeting at the alano club.


Busy busy busy, life is hard.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, October 06, 2008

I have a lot to do today, some doucments to print and mail, some shopping, and a few other things, not much time to blog. Witnessed another assult today. Don’t have much time going to the TLGB Job fair, at the center and some workshops this week.


Uh much to do, and little time, busy as a bee, also have to show some progress to clair. And do some serious applying today, this weekend was semi productive. And also life goes, on have to check the post office today as well, went to the 7 am meeting at the alano club.


Busy busy busy, life is hard.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday, October 03, 2008

The fact that my father, Marty Gaetjens got sober twenty-three years ago for me, means something to me, it also further that failure is not an option. I like power, control and to be dominating.
I do not like what comes with that drink and who I can become; I slept very well last night.

Today I am sending letters off to some former employers in Houston, Texas to inform them of my move for Tax Reasons. I also have to mail some more documents today to clean up my IRS mess, and get my tax forms for 2007, and statements.

Furthermore, I have much more to build and disclose. I may start working doing some political canvising, but I need to get out there with my resume more, and build personal security.

Furthermore, My Own Father whom doesn’t want to see me, until my own moods and I am not angry, and he was angry his first few years of sobriety. I need to live, sober to be emotionally stable, and secure. also need to develop more in myself and keep my inner bitch under control.

Continuing, My inner personal development of my personality. I know how to survive, and do ok for myself obviously. Furthermore I discovered more about myself

I need to be more cheerful and just happy, just become one with Zen.




Why I am angry often.
1.) I am often angry due to the fact with my ability to lip-read, and comprehend partially and broken various Arabic, Asian, Spanish I sometimes pickup people talking bad about me, or out of earshot with my good hearing, and street smarts.
2.) I am angry at myself
3.) I am lonely, and tired of being hurt and stay alone by choice
4.) I struggle with my own homophobia
5.) I struggle with my anger towards Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgender Individuals
6.) I struggle with my own racism, and sexism despite being razed other wise with my southern roots.
7.) I struggle with my anger at the men that hurt me
8.) I struggle with resentment of my actions toward Transgender communities In Houston and New Orleans
9.) Personally, I struggle with my resentment toward self, and the high cost of my counter-productive drinking days.
10.) I am afraid and fear is a sign of weakness, and being all-powerful is something I cannot show to be sad or afraid, I have to be a fearless leader.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for the fact I am sober
2.) Grateful for being able to talk about my trauma
3.) Grateful to be sane, and free of anger
4.) Grateful to be honest and willing.
5.) Grateful to be in control of my life, and keep my pride and independence more
6.) Grateful to be able to admit defeat into submission over being powerless over other people, places and things
7.)


The List
1.) Meeting
2.) Print and Mail Documents and letters to family
3.) Drink lots of water
4.) Work on resume and interview and apply 
5.) Copy documents to send to MLS & DLG
6.) Send documents to Former Houston Employers about Tax Issues
7.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Had a productive day. Went to my doctors appointment in Oakland, I also didn’t make contact with the potential future roommate, headed back into the city. I also met with a friend in Berkeley, and toured the campus somewhat out at UC.
I have a few photos to upload from the past few weeks, the wonders of digital photography. The future of my inner self depends on my spirituality. Had a prodcuoitve but bitchy meeting at Oakland Intergroup office.
Maybe I just want to be a bitch today; it felt good to talk to someone today. I miss the three dollar bill cafƩ. I also miss a few other things and my life changing, my body changing, next week I have freeman to tell the bad news.
Furthermore, I discovered more about myself, and continue to grow, and prosper as a twenty-seven year old woman. Furthermore I need to allow some documents to get filled out for the DMV by my doctor, I hope my truck is here soon, I think I found a good insurance prospect.
I also think I continue to develop as a person. I need to move on from my agony with the Mormon church, my hate crime and my self-destructive actions, My father is correct in the fact I need to change some of my actions, inactions and also my inner bitch.
Furthermore I discover more about my inner self, I continue to develop as an individual and grow more and more.
I
Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Awoke, this morning around 1am to a nightmare of the loss of my uncle. I am afraid of the possibility of loss, of loved ones family, friends, and others. The fear of the unknown and even the loss of my father scare me.

His disapproval, and thought and allegations of being conceived by two hippie druggies on coke, booze, and sex hurts badly. His talk of us three hugging in Richmond, is right and correct I remember it, it’s coming back to me, and it’s one of my happiest early childhood memories.
I remember three years old being forced to lie on my father, I feel like I am a dishonor to my father, and mothers lies, and manipulation of others.
I also had a dream I was in the Lexington club singing country western karaoke, drinking dreams are a bitch sort of like me at times, I can go zero to bitch in less than 30 seconds.
The San Francisco Chronicle our so called Far Left herst publishing mega-corp. media company. Rejects PROP 8, Here is my go on the upcoming election on how I am planning on voting.
Its amuses me that The so called Most European, city has a far-left news paper run by idiots. The whole point of prop 8, is the hearings for the marriage at city hall that allowed it to resume, it takes the ideas to the voters, of what happened a few years ago. Change and acceptance is slow.

Progress not perfection one day at time people change for the better and modern culture does too, Vote NO on Prop 8.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be able to respect my father’s wishes
2.) Grateful to have friends in San Francisco, and the bay area, Houston and New Orleans that are supportive of my transition
3.) Grateful to be able express my feeling’s
4.) Grateful to be able to be sober today
5.) Grateful to have folks who care about me
6.) Grateful to have AA
7.) Grateful to be making living amends
8.) Grateful to let go of my Mormon past
9.) Grateful to let go of my past in Houston
10.) Grateful to be working on my resentments of my abusers in Houston.

TODO
1.) Post Office
2.) City Hall
3.) Digital Documents, OCR, Acrobat
4.) Kinko’s
5.) Print Documents for clients
6.) Update Resume
7.) Update site
8.) Write HTML, XML, PHP, XHTML
9.) Send documents from PAT Sharp CPA to IRS
10.) Do documents for intrastate truck transport of my pickup truck
11.) Follow up on Oakland Opportunity
12.) Meet with Clair fairly
13.) Might have a job part time on the weekends
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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