Monday, June 30, 2008

Monday, June 30, 2008
Worked as EVENT STAFF during San Francisco Pride 2008, yesterday. Had a bad morning was discriminated against, sent revised (e-mail) to NCLR and a few city groups, about sitting down in mediation about decimation and ways to bring change with policy changes with city leaders, I think NCLR would be a good moderator, I also forwarded a copy to a few quinces in the Transgender Law Center and a few folks in the community and I trust.

Went to a meeting this morning woke up at very early to meet my fouram COMMITMENT, I also started my fourth step, and have a few things to work out today as well. I walked a bit, and did a few other things.
I didn’t go to the LDS church to protests the gLBT marriage with the ribbons, I didn’t feel it would be good on the bishop given it’s a border line ex-able’ offence.

Grateful for

1.) Being able to stand up (within reason) for my rights
2.) The weather
3.) Being able to march & work and have fun (seriously though a bit rough and butch) in the parade yesterday as an event staff
4.) Resting
5.) Having folks who care
6.) Being able to find myself, and know who I stand for.
7.) Being able to speak up for myself.
8.) The weather, to be able to witness this historic pride
9.) Being able to work and change and admit faults to friends and allies I hurt in the past
10.) Being able to be powerless over the present but to work to change the future, with a positive affirming attitude


Things to do
1.) Laundry
2.) Post office
3.) Job Hunt
4.) Make personal and business calls
5.) Rest Relax
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Sunday, June 29, 2008


Tried, some of the other folks, had been a bit mean to me, ill post more lately.
I was assaulted this morning at the residence; I was unable to take a shower without having g a trans-phobia kick in. I do not want the drama, I worked the pride parade today, had fun. Came home.

Slept well, awake early and took care of business. I also have more to do for me. The Trans-phobia, and homophobia in the city is bad even on pride day. I sent a few letters out about my struggles to the various city lobbyists and governing boards of various natures.

I also worked on my resume a bit, I am waiting for my civil court and than to go to the dps office, I also might take my flight in august or get the truck transported


I worked on my homework partial, I’m swapped from working from 6am this morning my meeting, rest and walking for 8+ hours serving pride, I didn’t even get to pick up my gifts I was swamped more and more.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for not having to drink today
2.) Grateful for being able to express myself, and reach out and stand my ground
3.) Grateful for life and being alive
4.) Grateful for my street smarts
5.) Grateful for having folks that care about me
6.) Grateful for being able to work hard
7.) Grateful for health
8.) Grateful for peace and solitude
9.) Grateful for knowing who I am
10.) Grateful for being able to express myself


Thing to do
1.) Work
2.) Rest
3.) Do step work
4.) Compose e-mail
5.) Fill out paperwork for morning


I watched one of my favorite moves which is in pursuit of happiness, amongst others such as reality bites, tank girl, Robocop, The Matrix, Bound, Brigham city,

But I move on, I wish I had gone to my prior church, I just want equal treatment and rights not special treatment I want respect, and I work hard to earn it, today while amongst and after pride, I noticed 4 guys male pigs (not cops) just pig-headed young immature, which is the worst to profile, if one goes off into a hate crime, they are like a pack of dogs.
It hurt me to look the other way, but I didn’t want to put myself at a crime committed against another transgender-woman, right now I must remain focuses, and others trans-phobia, and homo-phobia even if it effects me, I am powerless, but I am powerful to change my cirmstances, and improve my sprit.
I also worked hard my legs feel better I obtained a good workout, I also recharged well, and have big and even better plans tomorrow morning as I progress into enlighten, I keep continuing.

I vow never to drink again, I choose that, and also became the drunk I swore I never would become, I reformed and walked away, maybe somewhat by choice, due to being honorable and doing what was best for the Houston Transgender Community, It was honorable to walk away.
Currently I am forced for my own personal sanity to let go of some things, and to close some doors, alas not painful ones but for my own spirituality, It hurts me, but I think I am going to cut off contact with my family, I don’t feel they understand me, and I need time alone, I need to cut ties to bast transgressions, and do other things for myself, and continue to progress and enlighten myself, read and continue to grow, and prosper.
]
I admit, I am scared at times
Fear of the Unknown
Fear of time
Fear Of lack of love
Fear of the Unknown
I close my eyes and think I want to die
I continue to grow for myself, and progress into my enlighten, and grow and prosper.
I want enlighten for myself, life and my future, which I shall have
I am myself, Lee Mc G
I want to make amends and I cry at night in sprit, so I don’t waste my whole life in shame and blight.
Progress not perfection choosing the right into latter days I say Hey what a great Day!





--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, June 27, 2008

Friday, June 27, 2008
Slept well, took care of business this mouthing, left messages and called other folks in the program.



Gratitude list

1.) That I know what I want
2.) That I am able to admit defeat and confusion
3.) That Folks love & care about me both here In San Francisco, Houston and Louisiana, both community, friends, family, and support and aquatics.
4.) That I have faith and friends
5.) That I know my boundaries
6.) That I am learning to cope again
7.) That I am very, very smart
8.) That I am a young & pretty person
9.) That I am a charitably and honest person
10.) That I am working on my own inner and outer conflict religions and learning to love myself



Things to do
1.) Laundry
2.) Documents Pick up
3.) Meeting
4.) Work on homework
5.) Do research & planning for upcoming tasks with civil matters and other personal affairs and print relating attachments for my future better.



--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Slept good last night, also had a few bad nightmares about things in Houston, New Orleans and a black out during SF Pride in 2006. But moving onward, I ate ok, went to a meeting foolishly composed aq 55 page document for a 4th step with a power point presentation and 25 cups of coffee, what a dumb bitch I was to my selfish self.

I have to do a written composure, my OCD sometimes is a bitch.

I also called someone whom I have a jellious resentment, and saw potential to have bad blood between, us I want what she has, I prefer these fucked up relatshinships with self, and others, and she has something I want my sponsor sugfgested that I compose a letter and hang around positive folks, while bitching at her for ditching my so called fuck up friends, and myself, she and I have more in common, she’s younger than I, has a great job, is TG, and gets to work with TG folk / lobbyism. I admire her and she is a positive role model. Ill talk to her after pride.

I have been off my program; she also is a normal person. I need some time with aa folks and alone right now, to sort out some hurt I have. I am listening to Led Zeppelin – Fool IN the rain while I compose this.

I also have a strong desire to go to a dyke Bar, or go out clubbing which I know is dangerous, and not well, given rembering a slip in 2006 during SF pride and a slip in 2007 in SF Pride weekend.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for having the fellowship of AA and 12-step programs
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to have a good sponsor
4.) Grateful to have clarity
5.) Grateful to be able to reach out to someone I like
6.) Grateful to finally be able to know myself
7.) Grateful to be able to let go of the past and focus on the present
8.) Grateful to be young, beautiful, and pretty and smart and have a life ahead of me and have transited young and transitioning young.
9.) Grateful to have indpedantace.
10.) Grateful to be able to admit defeat, and do inventory


Things to do today
1.) Doctors appointment
2.) Therapy appointment
3.) Mail Box
4.) Print Letter and Finish it to MS (Houston)- ps
5.) Do something fun, because girls just want to have fun (sometimes with other girls)
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, June 23, 2008

Life in Sobery, service, faith, and starting a brand new day, one day at atime

Monday, June 23, 2008

Did service work at AA Central office today, Caller a few sober folks today, did do some job hunting and are linked up with the local one stop center, going to a place tomorrow. Also exploring a grant or two.

Took care partially of some IRS Issues, Composed a letter for Public Storage in Texas, and called a friend in Texas to do a favor for me in Houston. Spoke to someone in the LDS church.

Met someone who’s coming into town maybe for pride that’s 2 years older than me transgender, sober, in recovery, came out as transgender in Houston in the mid 1990s we also both became drunks in Montrose which is fucking awesome, she also lived in New Orleans and awesome, and we have a lot in common, and potential as a best friend, or maybe even a long term relatshionshop and partnership.

Been doing step work for the lists for steps with my sponsor, my higher power and own personal Jesus is back and balance.

I also met some other folks through craigslist, I composed well with myself, and further grew, and prospered for my soul.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, June 20, 2008

Dan told me about them, I went there to deal with it. It might be from a private ambulance company, My health is in good spirits, my hormones were a bit off, and I was not consuming enough fluids.

I have a year upcoming sober, I also have been doing some job hunting, and will do more aggressively once the paper work is in order.

Sobriety Date Friday July13, 2007 (Houston) date I went from AL-Anon to AA December 2005-Jan 2006 (Houston)

I corresponded with trans-Houston about amends, I am making a living amends.

I also may move to the east bay, I corresponded with a distract manger with Walgreens, Given I had leadership abilities at wal-mart and some of the temporary work I did for the Houston Chronicle; I applied for a management trainee in Walgreens. Which pays well, is union and salaried, Walgreens has better corporate ethics than wal-mart regarding GLBT and very Transgender Inclusive corporate policies.

My student grants and loans did not go through due to some IRS issues, I am wait g (again) for my name maker change, DPS Invalidated my gender change on my license when I was arrested and beat-up in the women’s city jail in Houston, Texas.

I might do something and an AA fundraiser with a $5 dollar a head or something for coffee at a funky coffee shop, some in the mission have big back rooms to celebrate a year sober, and my name and gender change sometimes after July 13 and the 15th my court date downtown.

I also made an amends to my father and living amends, I however resent his lies, and he was wrong to lie about my mother in front of me when Mr. Bertaucie died about my mother using illegal drugs, and to deny me access to tell pat and Dan he was in town., he said my mother was a drunk, still drinks every day, he did it so he could get out of child support and as a result the state dumped me at that place at Kurits in Marrero.

I do want to meet you sometime in the east bay, I just don’t have time right now, and need to do step work with my sponsor, right now I am Not going to take my trip (flight in august to go to fire up my pickup truck)

Uh I also am looking at places, and am not on the streets all day, as you put it, I have people places and things, sometimes I couch surf, I know w--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, June 16, 2008

Monday, June 16, 2008
I discover more about my inner child, I do not know myself very well, but Know what I want in general enough to want what others have joy, peace and inner most enlighten feelings of warm love.
I find my interests, what I thought I knew was wrong, and dramatically changing in sobriety and self-discovery and finding my true self. I did something nice recently, not because I wanted pity or to get someone on the take, because I care, and well I have resentments toward this person.
The reason I lash and have been so angry with this person which did something wrong to me, was in my on self-centered, bitch. I was afraid to take a stand, of my true self, while that does not justify my actions, in-actions and life. Two wrongs don’t make a right per say.
I moved on, or struggle to, lately I’ve been alone, a bit idle, and well not doing what right, I am back again, sort of like Travis tritt, you can’t count me out yet. I Miss the lone star state, but know at present cirmstances, it’s not for me, I must continue to grow, listen to my sponsor.
I must learn and work steps, write the god aural list every morning, but I like it, and I love it and want more of it. I also know perhaps one day, the person I hurt, that I blame for my problems, fate will allow me to make amends in person.
It’s hard to let go, growing up is hard there’s a poster at The law center that says this quote, In order to Transition you must have a strong since of self, well I found that with booze, at various Houston and Montrose and Texas drinking estbliahsments.

Today I got a few referrals, have a TG groups to attend, a few errands mailed the documents, and also composed a few other things and called Clair and she hasn’t called me back that I am personality aware of. I also did some walking and am on my way to drop the documents in a mail box asap.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
onday, June 16, 2008






The reality is I need more for myself, and life. I know who I am as an individual, I have grown, I do not need time alone, but I need time to focus, and other tasks.

Furthermore I am letting go, of my pain, and hurting, I have clarity that the problem lies in the heart mind body and soul, I am going to quiet up, and listen more, I need my maturity and leadership skills, and inflect and wisdom to get back in the mindset

I have time, I have me, and I have others and am fully capability of impedance, asking for help and using resources. This weekend, I saw someone I know I think she went back out, I am worried about her, she and another person are two TG folks with leadership that relapsed, a third one was out for a while, and got back in.

I hurt for the roommate situation did not work out, or my co-dependant and I, split up. On the other hand, one of my crushes did not like it. Blah, I move on with life, nature, and nature and well being one with myself.

The Walgreens thing I like given eventual the travel opportunist as climb the ladder, and the abilklity to go to school or transfer.

My dream of the 5th wheel and diesel 4x4 pickup truck is not forgotten, being a full time River with the opportunity to transfer to other states, and areas or work temp, given My dislike or Air and Boat Travel unless it is mine or private charter.



Furthermore, some of this I did to myself, others did to me, it doesn’t matter any more this is 2008, I need to let the fuck go already and put it to my higher power, not the Drunk Power. Anyway I lookfoard to my long life ahead, optimism and well life and love.



Today maraige starts but The guy who I had the unfortaiona displeasure of meeting from the windsbrow baptist church is in town to harass us





















Gratitude List

1.) That I understand bad things and hard times happen to good people

2.) That I have people who care about me

3.) That I care about myself, and understand my shortcomings

4.) That I have heart, kindness and care about others and give to others before myself

5.) That I have faith in my own personal Jesus

6.) That I love myself, and others and take accountability for my actions & inactions

7.) That I can let go of the past

8.) That I understand what happens when I think I am holier than though, better than aa, miss AA, or that I deserve better or am miss goodly two shoes

9.) That I am capable of loving myself, and others, and overlooking past transgression

10.) That I can admit fault and work on respecting boundaries for myself and others



The List for today

A.) Mail/ Print / Post Office /

B.) Call Walgreens about District Manager Position after counseling with Clair

C.) Look at a few apartments – and job applications

D.) Prepare and get ready name change, DL-238 Document for gender change

E.) Drop off suit(s) at cleaners for dry cleaning / press for possible interview

F.) Make Doctors Appointment / follow-up Tonight at TG Clinic

G.) Pick up items at drugstore

H.) Mini Storage / Post Office Box--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Slept good last night, doing laundry on Sunday, have some documents to print later at Kinko’s or possibly the public library. They had a robbery and assault with deadly weapon recently. Kids today do not have any respect, he even assaulted a police officer, and he’s not even 15,

San Francisco can be rough, and it amazes me the bullshit, folks get away with. Nevertheless, I am determined, I also have to wash something else a bit later, I have a trip and train ride to take Monday morning, and into next week, for further enlighten for myself, and Life, which rocks.
Added a few items to YELP as well, also composed a few more details, for other items, and have something to share, when I am angry or tough or defensive, I am afraid, even as out as I am, I am terrified, of fear of the un-known and my life and reality.
However, I know I am powerful over my life, and have the ability to control my actions, inactions and reactions, and continue to work on myself, true spirit, and internal enlighten for my heart, mind body and soul.

I have a faith, spirit of a goddess of my own understanding, I think. I admit I am afraid I miss The Lone Star State, the culture shock, and just the change in general, but despite San Francisco, being a rough, dirty and tough place, its shortcoming, and negatives, do not outweigh the positive positional.
Furthermore My faith in better times slowly build, I am afraid of being alone, not having much, death, I’m brave and bold, but honestly, I’m not as much as I should be.

Have to follow up on that interview possibility tomorrow, soon.


I The List for today

1.) Laundry (maybe dry clean one item or two?)
2.) Compose Letter / print Documents / drop in mailbox
3.) R&R (Movies?) (church?)
4.) Relax / mediation\
5.) Study big book


Gratitude List
1.) Knowing I have insecurity and self-confidence issues and striving to improve upon them.
2.) Understanding that I have faith, I just deny My God or what I Believe.
3.) I am gratitude for waking up this morning
4.) Gratitude for my health
5.) Grateful for having folks that care and want to get to know me
6.) Grateful for understanding I have some social dysfunction to get over
7.) Grateful for understanding under my fear, and self-defiance and at times Self-Destructive actions
8.) Grateful for understanding I can make amends, by living amends and changing my ways, thought process, and desires
9.) Grateful for understand I need to rest and relax
10.) Grateful for Being able to express my feelings





--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, June 13, 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008

Slept really good last night awake at 4:20 AM (PST) this morning, and took a shower till 5am, got dressed out the doro at 6, went to my 7 am meeting, have a few chores to do, and to look for laundry as well as some shopping, might drop by someplace briefly to meet with someone and TCB.

Talked to the folks, donated some money for a painting for someplace, I rested, I miss Texas, Lousiana, I like it here, but well I duno, I just want to fit in, I try to hard and it makes me crazy. I also am hitting myself over the head for something I wish I had donem

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful of my upcoming Court Name / marker change
2.) Grateful of being able to be out the closet
3.) Grateful of having folks that care about me, and being able to be honest about my past
4.) Being able to be honest with my great sponsor
5.) Being able to control my thoughts, feelings and emotions
6.) Being able to express my feelings, and resentments in a powerful affirming matter
7.) Being able to Zip My Lips and listen more, and work on the Fact I am not always Miss Smarty Pants
8.) Being able to have a bed, meal, money in my pocket, and a good positional job lead
9.) Being able to have balance in my life
10.) Having a Good Job Lead today (very good pay & benefits)

Things to do today

1.) Post Office Box
2.) Movies
3.) Print Letters off Server at Print shop
4.) Rest / Nap / Recharge
5.) Do My Homework, and other work and chores

The reality is I have developed skills, and need to rebuild my life, and self-confidance.
I don’t have much to write about my day was mostly relaxing, I lost all, I feel as if confidance, and life is odd. I know some of my drama is self induced, I have things to do today, and I must stick to those issues.


Gratitude List
11.) Grateful of my upcoming Court Name / marker change
12.) Grateful of being able to be out the closet
13.) Grateful of having folks that care about me, and being able to be honest about my past
14.) Being able to be honest with my great sponsor
15.) Being able to control my thoughts, feelings and emotions
16.) Being able to express my feelings, and resentments in a powerful affirming matter
17.) Being able to Zip My Lips and listen more, and work on the Fact I am not always Miss Smarty Pants
18.) Being able to have a bed, meal, money in my pocket, and a good positional job lead
19.) Being able to have balance in my life
20.) Having a Good Job Lead today (very good pay & benefits)

Things to do today

6.) Post Office Box
7.) Movies
8.) Print Letters off Server at Print shop
9.) Rest / Nap / Recharge
10.) Do My Homework, and other work and chores

The reality is I have developed skills, and need to rebuild my life, and self-confidance.
I don’t have much to write about my day was mostly relaxing, I lost all, I feel as if confidance, and life is odd. I know some of my drama is self induced, I have things to do today, and I must stick to those issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, June 13, 2008

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful of my upcoming Court Name / marker change
2.) Grateful of being able to be out the closet
3.) Grateful of having folks that care about me, and being able to be honest about my past
4.) Being able to be honest with my great sponsor
5.) Being able to control my thoughts, feelings and emotions
6.) Being able to express my feelings, and resentments in a powerful affirming matter
7.) Being able to Zip My Lips and listen more, and work on the Fact I am not always Miss Smarty Pants
8.) Being able to have a bed, meal, money in my pocket, and a good positional job lead
9.) Being able to have balance in my life
10.) Having a Good Job Lead today (very good pay & benefits)

Things to do today

1.) Post Office Box
2.) Movies
3.) Print Letters off Server at Print shop
4.) Rest / Nap / Recharge
5.) Do My Homework, and other work and chores

The reality is I have developed skills, and need to rebuild my life, and self-confidance.
I don’t have much to write about my day was mostly relaxing,
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008
Come visit me at PRIDE or come to my hearing Ill also have a year sober, I don’t plan on going to the fest to much, given the past 2 years I have been drunk at PRIDE fests twice in Houston once at SF pride

Last night with a friend out in the Western Addition/ Fillmore, with a friend, a guy ran past us, knocked us down and two guys in dark clothes were shooting, about 20 feet away from me I had a bullet go over my head sounded like a high power 50 caliber or 45 caliber semi automatic rapid fire pistol, I was walking by a chain link fence, and a guy ran down the alley, the shot-putters they installed went off bezerk, cops were there in less than 2 minutes flat, the shooter guy away so did the guy who was shot they never found him, didn’t want to talk to us, there was some blood.
It sounded like a center fire, or centrifuge, or hollow point round or the gun had a co2, it was very loud my ears were ringing, I saw flashes, and even smelled the fire, one bullet went over my head but I didn’t run and panic calmly looked the other way( don’t want to witness a execution style murder which it looked like a hit, let the drug dealers kill each other or folks who don’t pay up) Mind my own business, and ducked in the alley, plus in the line of fire, I ducked back behind a brick wall.

They looked around did a sweep of the area, and bagged the spent shell casings and rounds, and left.





I have seen things like that before but never so close and in personal, sort of give you gratitude for life. Anyway, I also ducked behind a brick wall and doorway and did not panic and run, my sponsor and I have been working on not panicking, overacting and not over booking myself and takeing care of my life and not working like a Nazi dictator dominatrix.

Went to a meeting this morning, talked to my sponsor about it. The


What a Night
I also have a copy of the Dl-238 attached filled out, and will be transferring my driver’s license and ID initially, and a trip to the social security office, and Alameda county court house for the birth certified to be am mended. Here is a copy of the notice http://www.law.com/jsp/ca/PubArticleFriendlyCA.jsp?id=1097686262062
ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE
FOR CHANGE OF NAME

CASE NUMBER: CNC-08-545026
SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA COUNTY OF SAN FRANCISCO 400 McAllister Street San Francisco, CA 94102 PETITION OF McINNIS LEE GAETJENS FOR CHANGE OF NAME TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: 1. Petitioner filed a petition with this court for a decree changing names as follows: McINNIS LEE GAETJENS to LEIGH McINNIS GAETJENS 2. THE COURT ORDERS that all persons interested in this matter shall appear before this court at the hearing indicated below to show cause, if any, why the petition for change of name should not be granted. NOTICE OF HEARING Date: July 15, 2008; Time: 9:00 A.M.; Room: 218 The address of the court is same as noted above 3. A copy of this Order to Show Cause shall be published at least once each week for four successive weeks prior to the date set for hearing on the petition in the following newspaper of general circulation, printed in this county: The Recorder Date: May 12, 2008 DAVID L. BALLATI PRESIDING JUDGE OF THE SUPERIOR COURT
No. 1016916 May 13,22,29, Jun 5-R
It can be found on the CAL-Law site http://www.law.com/jsp/ca/PubArticleFriendlyCA.jsp?id=1097686262062
Than I have some IRS issues to work out and clean dirty laundry, I have a few job leads and traing, which I will follow up, the loans, did not go through due to IRS issues, which I have to perform a change there as well.


I was wondering if you will be present, I also will have 11 months sober, this Friday, and the court date have a year sober, I might plan something that Sunday for the new sober me


I also have to send a letter, print a document, and go get some files out of my storage as well, and print a few M$-word Doucments

Check the Post Office box, go to my wonderful therpsit who has been working with Transexuals for over 30 years, pick up a few things at the drug store, and make a doctors apointment as well


Ill also be working the last sunday at pride at Golden gate and Levonworth in the heart of the TL (tenderlion) working a gate and booth for SF PRIDE 2008 from 7am-noon, come visit and say HI!


Grattudie list

1.) That I am not overly judgemental to others suggestions with anger
2.) That I can have power over those in AA who breached my confidanciality and anonminity
3.) That I know my life is unmangebale and I need aa, and my sponsor
4.) That I can reamin clam in a emgrancy suituiton
5.) That I didn’t get shot last night
6.) That I get to go to pride sober this year
7.) That I have a wonderful therapist
8.) That Life is good, and I have folks who care about me in aa, and outside form California, to Utah, to Texas to Louisiana
9.) That I want what others have
10.) That I can admit that I am jelious of other pople, places and things which I am powerless over.

Things to do

1.) Therpery
2.) Post Office
3.) Print Documents, Mail Documents
4.) Rest / nap
5.) Go walking, and work out (ive been eating junk food crap laetely)
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, June 12, 2008

Last night with a friend out in the Western Addition/ Fillmore, with a friend, a guy ran past us, knocked us down and two guys in dark clothes were shooting, about 20 feet away from me I had a bullet go over my head sounded like a high power 50 caliber or 45 caliber semi automatic rapid fire pistol, I was walking by a chain link fence, and a guy ran down the alley, the shot-putters they installed went off bezerk, cops were there in less than 2 minutes flat, the shooter guy away so did the guy who was shot they never found him, didn’t want to talk to us, there was some blood.
It sounded like a center fire, or centrifuge, or hollow point round or the gun had a co2, it was very loud my ears were ringing, I saw flashes, and even smelled the fire, one bullet went over my head but I didn’t run and panic calmly looked the other way( don’t want to witness a execution style murder which it looked like a hit, let the drug dealers kill each other or folks who don’t pay up) Mind my own business, and ducked in the alley, plus in the line of fire, I ducked back behind a brick wall.

They looked around did a sweep of the area, and bagged the spent shell casings and rounds, and left.





I have seen things like that before but never so close and in personal, sort of give you gratitude for life. Anyway, I also ducked behind a brick wall and doorway and did not panic and run, my sponsor and I have been working on not panicking, overacting and not over booking myself and takeing care of my life and not working like a Nazi dictator dominatrix.

Went to a meeting this morning, talked to my sponsor about it. The


What a Night
I also have a copy of the Dl-238 attached filled out, and will be transferring my driver’s license and ID initially, and a trip to the social security office, and Alameda county court house for the birth certified to be am mended. Here is a copy of the notice http://www.law.com/jsp/ca/PubArticleFriendlyCA.jsp?id=1097686262062
ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE
FOR CHANGE OF NAME

CASE NUMBER: CNC-08-545026
SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA COUNTY OF SAN FRANCISCO 400 McAllister Street San Francisco, CA 94102 PETITION OF McINNIS LEE GAETJENS FOR CHANGE OF NAME TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: 1. Petitioner filed a petition with this court for a decree changing names as follows: McINNIS LEE GAETJENS to LEIGH McINNIS GAETJENS 2. THE COURT ORDERS that all persons interested in this matter shall appear before this court at the hearing indicated below to show cause, if any, why the petition for change of name should not be granted. NOTICE OF HEARING Date: July 15, 2008; Time: 9:00 A.M.; Room: 218 The address of the court is same as noted above 3. A copy of this Order to Show Cause shall be published at least once each week for four successive weeks prior to the date set for hearing on the petition in the following newspaper of general circulation, printed in this county: The Recorder Date: May 12, 2008 DAVID L. BALLATI PRESIDING JUDGE OF THE SUPERIOR COURT
No. 1016916 May 13,22,29, Jun 5-R
It can be found on the CAL-Law site http://www.law.com/jsp/ca/PubArticleFriendlyCA.jsp?id=1097686262062
Than I have some IRS issues to work out and clean dirty laundry, I have a few job leads and traing, which I will follow up, the loans, did not go through due to IRS issues, which I have to perform a change there as well.


I was wondering if you will be present, I also will have 11 months sober, this Friday, and the court date have a year sober, I might plan something that Sunday for the new sober me



--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The reality and self discovery of myself, and further working my program, I did not see a new purse or bag I liked yesterday, my blood pressure was low again, around 90 over 60, the doctor is a bit concerned, we worked out a game plan, as well with my sponsor, therapist, and medical doctor, and well life goes on.
In further development, I ordered an extra cell phone with Metro PCS, aka Ghetto PCS given the horrid service, pricing and billing errors. I had more for myself, and also discuses possibly some different medical treatment options. I also have a 7th amends to make, right now I need some time alone, lately I’ve been a bitch to folks I care about, and hanging around negative influences.
I need to be more positive, ignore folks who try to provoked me, and work on being less judgmental, and put my faith in my own personal Jesus, and continue to read and study my big book, or bilke and 12/12 and also my LDS scriptures.
I also may adjust my AT&T plan as a partial and direct and indirect sult, and look at a few other options, CDMA / TDMA service sucks, GSM< and IDEN rules and rocks, despites the proprietary nature of the compitieing and lack of open standards on digital, and analog cellular is dieing, blah, digital is not better for the consumer, just the provider as in lowering the cost, with data compression. (Bring my geek on)

Furthermore, I need to remain displayed, as of late to add to my itchy nests, I have been running like a evil dominatrix, dictator, she said I am over doing things with my addictive hardworking, personality, I need to take time to take care of me spiritually which I had not been doing lately, I’ve been here seine Jan 6, 2008 and been in three co-dependant relatshionships in the roughly 6 months almost and Friday this week on the 13th I will have 11 months sober, and my sobriety date is Friday July, 13th 2008.

Had a glorious meeting this morning, went to a support group last night, the doctor took and drew blood, Slept ok, a bit late till 4:30ish and feel recharged, ate well, made my 7 am meeting, Called my sponsor, have therapy tomorrow, going to fine tooth my resume, and also after my official name change which is published.

I also am very close to finishing the V Builltian server, for the San Francisco Bay Area Transgender Community Forum and Resource Guide, My Plan it similar to true selves, and Trans Houston but For San Francisco, but a bit more unique and focus and maybe even a majordomo listserv or something not as high tech as Trans Houston, but More self run and moderating, possibly with TG folks in the community such as groups having higher leave access privileges.

I had the awakening of my own selfish bitch with my sponsor, and am working on getting out of self, I left and fled Houston for the reasoning that I could not admit defeat, I have a huge resentment toward myself, and becoming a drunk, I have a resentment toward Christen was a outlet to lash out. I left to be noble and respectful and make a living amends, not to say I am not perfect.

However, enough with the negative thoughts, and bad karma. I need to move on into enlighten positive thoughts bring and equal positive karma, outlook and sobriety, I am so through dating right now at the moment, I need to focus on me, and bring results for to bring the kind of person I want. Someone commented yesterday they thought I was older due to my maturity.

I also don’t have any resentment, I need to quit trying to do so much and get RR, it’s my OCD and PTSD I push myself way to hard like a slave labor, For all I know I could have been a Nazi Prison Camp SS or something, in a past life given my work ethic, and devotion to duty, self at the expense of my health, both spiritual, and phial and others, I could be a dictator, and slave labor camp leader.

I am grateful today for:
1.) Understanding my shortcomings with my Self Centered Personality and desiring to overcome it
2.) Being able to be more honest with My therapist, Doctor, Family, Friends, and other folks in AA and Al-anon
3.) Being able to work and admit defeat on being able to talk more with folks, not at them and work on my dominating personality faults
4.) Studying my BIG Books, 12 & 12 Books, My LDS Quad, and meditation, and relaxing more
5.) Being able to trust others with things, and build and rebuild health relatshionships
6.) Better Understanding, my faults with confidentiality issues and breach
7.) Being aware and working on respecting others boundaries
8.) Being able to grow spirituality post- Latter Day Saint / Mormon with my UU Intelicatiual growth
9.) Being able to work on respectful of others that don’t meet my utterly high standards, political view points, and that I don’t like
10.) Being able to deal with people I have resentments, or don’t like and can’t stand and work on my mediation tactics





Things to do today:
1.) Work on resume
2.) Drop off crap
3.) Check mail
4.) Rest / nap
5.) Sleep early








--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The reality of myself discovery, I must learn to enjoy my own silence, where the words are unnecessary. I further this morning ate ok, and continued to progress into further enlighten, while sober 11 months this Friday the 13th, I still have a heck of a lot to learn.

Ran into LDS missionaries last night, again. We bump paths often, I also watched a few things, obviously my power cord arrived yetersaday on time, I also saw CF, and while no hard feelings, lately I have been a real bitch and pain in the neck to be around.

I have had a blackout remembered, with a lot of booze, at SF pride about a year or two ago. Sometime early ore toward the end of my club, party days. Weird remembering things, becoming and remaining sober is not easy, I used to frown on AA folks, as an al-anon, now I became one. My life is not merry Christmas, or happy new year, but it is clear in my own Gnosticism.
Furthermore, I had a vision last night slept, well, walked, talked, and meeting with my sponsor after this morning, and to TCB, I have a list. I also have more and need to purchase a big book, and do more for myself, and continue to grow and prosper.

Next month as published in the bay area publication, I will be doing my name change, and a few other things, than off to the California DMV, and a few other matters, a trip to the eye doctor, or maybe even Costco might be in father order.
I feel well, I also have laundry to do later this week, or into the weekend, some shopping, I picked up a pair of boots, I also recently was sick mostly with sinus and sore throat, and also was a bit dizzy, and disoriented and continue to grow, I had a few leads, after some of my paperwork is in order which sometimes the wheels of civil, and tax and federal, local, and state burcracticy as well as county take time.

But things do happen, I also have the IRS bullshit to deal with, and for another matter will go down to the federal building, and get printed and speak with the FBI about something, is on my agenda, and closure, I also have to print the letter to MUNI, DPT, MTA, and BART regarding a matter I reported to 311, and SFPD.

Myself, life and well to become a better person for whom, I want to be, I recently discovered somewhere, very quiet, peaceful and very well respected in one of the public buildings, and discovered a favorite scenic view.

I don’t per say have any rentment toward, Trans-Thrive, or the GLBT center or their employees, or affiliations or people associated, but I have and need require some time alone, my stress, is largely caused by lapses in my AA program but I have remained sober, I try to live pretty straight edge, and have allowed my diet, program, reading studying, and gratitude to become well, in disorder at best.

I need time alone, I think once I regain balance, with my program and self, I will Thrive and grow, and continue to prosper up the latter with success. I am not by any means perfect, nor does resentments build against the Castro Country Club, or other matters, I learned long ago, I need to stay back and look at the bigger picture.

The reality is, I am an over talker, dominatrix, and vampire personality at times. Moreover, need to work on things, I was living with someone who did not have good program, and in a few fucked up refashion ships, and moved, on and a close friendship or two.

I need to be more positive, for example, I know folks who have good program, and do not take offense if folks do not want to be in my presence, I am working on this with my theorist, and sponsor, and doctor. Lately the flashbacks are bad to my abuse, and mistreatment, for me and my storm recovery work on the gulf coast regions.
I have grown more in myself, and continue to do such, for example. At least I can admit these things are problems and areas in drastic needs of improvement. I do not relave the past I grow on it. I don’t use drugs, prostitute myself, drink, I try to eat meat sparingly. I also am having some health issues, unable to get the medical care and things I need approved at the present approved for myself, and to thrive.

Furthermore my sponsor and I are doing and achieving tasks for myself, while I have gone in bars or clubs with friends in AA, with long term sobriety, or go to events where it is served, I am very careful, and don’t drink, and leave and always have a exit plan in case of emergency. My soberly comes first before other people, places and things.

I want to get back into my vegan, ways and get my health back up. I feel some fragile and frale, I slept very well last night and father grew more for myself, and allowed enlighten to further carry into development and myself.

Some code, and a image map for leemcg dot com or a new index dot html page could be useful. I also am working on my personal and crown jewel, a forum and community for the San Francisco TG community, rescues that professionals, in government, healthcare, crisis intervention, drop in centers, suicide prevention hotlines, social work, and other related fields, and the public can share and develop resources.

It would be a multi level, with different permissions access system, that provides information, those with higher level of access meing posting resources and some limited administration, and maybe myself as a web mistress, and admin. In addition, a few co-admins, to post and add resources.

An the general public can access them, maybe even eventfully get it listed as a resources, I would require a user agreement, and privacy and abuse policy as well as further development for myself. Nevertheless, would require verification of professional status. It’s a dream, and the database, and forums are bullt and continuing to thrive. Soon off to a meeting, than meet with my sponsor afterwards, I might go check out a few places today before a few other matters later.

I have a doctor’s appointment tonight as well, later.
The current times are scary, while I disagree with the LDS church on some issues, others I agree, something’s in the news, current events both wildly published and some not as much, are the possible result t of biblical prophetic and scare the shit out of me of what it to become.

Moreover, I am still learning about my true slef, sober and continue to grow, later.








--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, June 9, 2008

Monday, June 09, 2008

The UNDERstanding of myself, and personality and commucqation defects, and panic as of late. Discussing with my sponsor the insanity of me stuck in self, I picked up my laptop power cord today, went to a meeting, the dotocor, and declined a support group I am dead tired and need to relax, I also overcame my resentment5 over the weekend with myself more and more for myself.

The reality of myself, and peace for my soul continue to enlighten I also saw someone whom I had a resentment this weekend, which I no longer hold, I am not going to discusss with mike unitll I work out a few things which has been bothering me as of late.

On a more positive note, I must regain order in my self, life, purse, family, and planning, not overbooking, allowing travel time, and most of all having time to relax, have fun, be alone and more.
Furthermore, I promised my sponsor no more vilonaet, creepy movies, and to cut back on counterstike time and playing, despite the fact theres nothing more relaxing than playing CS.

I also discovered more about myself, and my picture perfext, I attened high noon, and saw someone whom I have been worrying about as of late, I hope she gets better. I also spoke to a friend, and saw some foes.
Spoke to M S in Houston today, and the phone died on the time with my grandmother, I have some banking, planning and a few other things to do for work, school and playt for my life, progression and to figure my future.

I am eargyling awyaing my court apperacne to finalise my name change and other points, and the DL238l, I got a tempory caluifornia ID, and than have to go gesiter my Drivers License, as well as my pick em’ up truck.

I might drive to Oakland soon, to TCB as well as other factors. Progress not perfection, rem beintg to HALT and TCB in moderation, and keep my vampire personality, starte at my shoes and listen more, so I can attarcte folks, and not drain and overload with talking at them.

I have breakfast with my wonderful sponsor whom I am ever so gvreatful to have, and keep coming back. Caio, and tooodles.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger